Honesty

I've recently chosen to face a lot of things that I've been fearing for a long time. I'm happy about this but at the same time afraid. First thing I had to do is be totally honest with myself, I've always known that these things would eventually need to be addressed at some point in my life but kept telling/coning myself to believe that I could remain the same for the rest of my life. Thanks to a dear friend I've chosen to deal with it. You'll have to excuse me if I don't elaborate as I don't want the "real" world approaching me with advise because I think everyone will give me a generic solution and it's never as easy to deal with things as it sounds. Wow I've just read this over and it sounds like I'm either a drug addict or some sort of petofile or something... hahaha... ok well before you jump to conclusions, it's really nothing of great importance nor is it something that is completely ruining my life, it's just something that I feel is important and everyone needs to address something of this nature at some point... in comparison it would be like dealing with a self confidence issue -this is not the case but you get my point...

Anyway on a different note, As you notice I didn't write about my dancing lesson, that is because the person I was supposed to go with dropped out.... you know who you are ;-) but that's ok because I will learn in the near future.

Here I am listening to Yo Yo ma... I'm on a yoyoma trip again. I find this music very peaceful, it sort of brings out a different side in me. If I was to categorize my personality or moods by certain artists or music types I would have to say the Yo Yo ma would be one of them, this would be my intellectual/artistic side.

Today I'm feeling very grounded, I'm also feeling closed off to friends/loved ones as sometimes I think that if people would know me extremely well they would either not want to have anything to do with me or accept me and love me unconditionally and both of them scare the shit out of me. I choose to keep people in the dark because I'm not happy with myself and don't want to let them down or change the perspective they have of me.

I would like to recommend to all of you who don't have a blog to start one. I don't think I would typically think or write about these things if I didn't have a blog. It's a great outlet and it's always nice to know that someone is listening/reading.

have a great week kids....