Pieces

you might need my hand when falling in your hole, your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go. -Limp Bizkit

Everyone is searching for something, including myself. We all know what that is.. it's happiness. So how do we attain this "happiness"? Everybody requires different things: love, money and whatever else. I think that my goal is to require nothing to be happy. I'm not there yet... hehe, I don't think I ever will but I will keep trying to achieve this because of fear, fear of feeling dependent on something but this puts me in a fucked up catch 22, I'll never be happy because I'll always be afraid and if I do let myself because dependent on something then I'll be open to pain and sadness, and things come and go and so do people. I guess I don't always feel that way because I'm often very happy and not afraid of nothing and don't need anything but today I'm afraid and very sad. I'm sad but not upset. I feel like I don't have anything to give today; no good advice, not able to make anybody laugh, I can't offer anything to anyone except my being nice. I will never be mean to anybody - ever - even if I'm in a shitty ass mood, you can always count on me being nice. I don't even want to try to help anybody today, I just don't have it in me. I'm currently helping myself.
I hate everything right now.... fuckin' stupid blog....
I want to be 12 again, living in my mothers old trailer.