Relentless feelings....

Hi,
I've been feeling anxious lately, partially because of $ and I'm also anxious about my future. I've been pretty worried about money, relationships and your tipical day to day stress but for the most part things are good. Sorry I haven't been "blogging" lately but I've been working days and had 3 days off in a row and no longer have internet at home so I'm unable to update as frequently as I'd like.

So let's recap. Well this week went rather well. It has been really nice out and I've been pretty productive; to the gym as always but also I've cleaned up and hardly stayed home at all. I've been with Anick allot as she's off for 3 weeks or so because of her accident. Friday I made my home made spaghetti sauce at Anicks and during the evening I went to see a bunch of bands play at Manhattan with Martty. Man I was sloshed... what a cool night. Yesterday I went to the beach all day. I'm a little burnt but it's bearable. Last night we went to Benny's cottage and built a fire and chilled on the beach, nothing heavy just a chill night as we were pretty tired from the heat and stuff, plus I was working this morning so I didn't want to get to bed to late.


Ever get the feeling that something is wrong but you know that there is nothing wrong at all. Satrurday night when I was driving home I was alone and it was really warm out. I found myself feeling a little anxious until I realized that I should not be as it was so calm outside. I rolled down the windows turned off the music and drove on the highway just enjoying the summer smell and the cool evening air, it was great. I slept really well last night, except for the sunburn on my stomach. I put suntan lotion on everywhere but I only put the lotion on my stomach once as I thought to myself " who the hell burns on their stomach anyway" so here I am with a red belly... hehehe... well it's just after noon and I'm just starting to wake up now.

I've never in my life felt afraid to be accepted but lately I've been feeling that way, with girls, coworkers, etc. I don't feel that way with my close friends of course but with ppl I don't really know. hmmmm... I really don't know why I'm feeling that way, I usually don't care what ppl think of me, if they don't like me, well, fuck em' right?! I don't know maybe it's just my mood lately.. Fuck I don't know. Actually I think it's a lack of confidence. I mean I'm a confident guy but I think that due to my financial situation ppl with not want to be with me or associate with me. this is probably a stupid thing to say but that's how I feel.

Well I'm off for lunch, mmm spaghetti... it's a beautiful day and it's supposed to be nice all week. ttyl....

ciao.